Cool thing that happened today - we had See You At the Pole. Except it was at an elementary school, so obviously not a lot of show from kids. A local Hispanic pastor started it up at the last minute. There were only about 10 teachers there, 2 or 3 parents, and a few kids. The minister said he couldn't speak or pray because he wasn't at the school and he asked if someone would pray. Nobody spoke up, so I volunteered. It was neat to get to pray with people I work with. I am really looking for little windows of opportunity with parents and any teachers there. I'm really looking for opportunities that God might be pointing me towards. So, pray with me on that.

I've also considered starting a Bible study of sorts before school for any intersted teachers, but I will not move a muscle until I feel that I am clearly directed by God. I am a newbie there and don't want to rock any boats or make anyone uncomfortable. It would have to be smack me upside the head direction to start that.

So, just wanted to make a quick post - wow, this one isn't a book long!! :)

Love yall!

So, a brief interruption in my series on motherhood. Well, let's say a sidebar as it still relates somewhat.

Something to know about me, I am one of those type-A personalities, although not insanely a strong one - not the stereotypical type-A, but enough of a type-A that stress can pile up and really cause me to flip out a tad. So, the past couple of weeks have been stressful to say the least. I can get pretty Eeyore-ish (you know, the Pooh donkey) when it comes to stress. Eeyore is the ultimate martyr, the one nobody loves, and whose life is all doom and gloom. I can get that way at times. Not the nobody loves me part, but definitely my life is the worst, my life is horrible, everything goes wrong. These Eeyore moments only last an hour or two and usually follow me doing something like balancing the checkbook or having a bad day... ha ha! But, I've been in a slight Eeyore mood these past couple of weeks/months. Some would say rightfully so, and I've enjoyed licking my wounds. Thankfully, God is always working to improve us.

So, I went to church yesterday and Bro. David is doing a sermon series entitled, "Written In Red: What Jesus Says About..." For those of you that aren't LH attenders, this includes sermons on what Jesus says in the Bible about various topics such as heaven, hell, money, relationships, worry, Himself, and more. So, last week was on hell, but I missed it because I was doing drama with children. Yesterday was on heaven. Bro David talked about all the good things about heaven, the fact that ANYONE can go if they want to, but you do have to have reservations. You do have to commit your life to Christ before you go - you can't wait until you're at the pearly gates. I wish I could link you to his two sermons online, but our website doesn't have those up yet. I will get those linked on here as soon as they are available. But, I really liked the "no-mores" part of his sermon. He had been to a funeral where it rained and was just depressing - all funerals are, but this one was just especially depressing. He commented that heaven was the land of no-mores - no more tears, no more funerals, no more cancer diagnosis, no more worry about a loved one's suffering. Won't that be great - no more funerals ever???? I thought of mom and my grandfathers and all the people that had passed. I thought of the struggle of our day to day lives and how that will be no more. Bro. David talked about that in heaven we will have times of reunion with friends and family. What a great day that will be! Jeff Lemmons sang a song about our relatives walking us through the streets of gold showing us the sights. I don't know if that's how it will be, but it's a nice thought, and I know heaven is better than we can even imagine. Anyway, so then we sang, and I just sang and sang longing for the time of heaven to come and our next world. Licking my wounds still a little. But something was nagging the back of my mind as well.

Just yesterday morning before church, we heard a story on the news (some of you may have heard it earlier) where a woman in IL was murdered by her babysitter, a friend she had grown up with. Not only that, but the woman cut out the murdered woman's unborn baby who was seven months old, tried to take him to the hospital t pass him off as her own, and the baby died. To make it worse, she had taken the woman's three other children, ages 7, 2, and 1, drowned them, and then stuffed the seven year old in the dryer and the 2 and 1 year old in the washer. Oh, it makes my stomach sick. Horribly brutal.

In the midst of my Eeyore-isms, I got a flash of those poor children and that mother. What that scene must have been like, and I wondered what kind of person (with children of her own) could do that to a lifelong friend and her children. Oh, then I really began to long for heaven. I thought of the horrible, obscene things that we here happening on this earth and what a contrast those are to the glory and love of God. What Christ must think as He looks down upon us. It makes me sick! I cried for that family as we sang about heaven, and I really wished for heaven then.

Last night, I even had a dream. (Okay, two dreams, one was about the Gilmore Girls girl - the daughter - moving to my small town in Hawaii and she was early pregnant, obvious only to me apparently - I asked her if she was pregnant, but her Gilmore Girl's mom jumped in and denied it rather vehemently. Suspicious eh?) Ok, back on subject. So, my other dream was so scary that I woke up tense and terrified. I was living somewhere, and next door to me I could hear a woman being abused. I heard the slaps, I heard her thrown up against the wall, I heard her cries, and it scared me to death. I woke up glad that it was just a dream, and I felt God telling me, yes it was, but it's a reality for women's lives everywhere. There are women and children every single day who live a life of hellish atrocities. Ones they feel they cannot speak of but only accept with fear. I did some research in HS and college about abused women. One study compared them to a dog that is in a cage. Everytime the dog tries to leave and go through a door, he gets a shock from the door. This is repeated so often that even when the cage is left wide open and the door removed, the dog is so terrified of the shock that he won't even attempt to leave. The same with abused women, they are so fearful of the abuse, they can't leave even when there is a clear, safe way out.

God really spoke to me last night and said, get over yourself, really - YOUR life is horrible? Because you have the means to work? Because your children are in safe, Christian environments? Of course I never consciously thought of my life being worse than an abused woman's. But, I think everyone can get that way at times. We lose perspective, we spiral into self-pity, and we become Eeyores.

Needless to say, God has put my life in perspective. Bro. David also touched on the fact that ALL will bow down to Christ on that glorious day. We sang the song about "all will say, 'Glorious'". That woman who killed those children will bow down and say Glorious. Kings will surrender their crowns, Hitler will bow down, the most horrible, evil people this world has seen will bow down and worship Christ. Everyone. All wrongs will be made right. And all will come to the knowledge that Jesus is our Lord and Savior and that He should be worshipped! WHO HOO!!!!!! What a day that will be. Everyone will worship Christ, but how much better for the ones who will worship Christ and stay in heaven than the ones who will worship Christ with sorrow that they did not follow him and must go live an eternity in hell?

Who cares if I am working or not with my children? That is not my sole purpose on this earth. My purpose is to bring as many people to Christ so that they may join with me on that day and get to STAY in heaven. To worship Christ with full joy and love, not with a heart that is convicted once it is too late. So, I have many of you in my prayers. Those that don't have a TRUE relationship with Christ. I'm not talking about the I go to church once a week and love God relationship. I'm talking about a relationship with Christ.

Think about relationships we have with friends and family. We miss them when we don't spend time with them. We have a desire to know what is going on and care about what their thoughts are about us. The same with Christ. You don't have to have a quiet time daily to prove your relationship with Christ. But, when you miss a day or two, do you miss God? Do you miss the closeness of your relationship with him? Matt 7:21-23 says, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' " The bible talks about that there will be people that get to heaven and say, But, God, I love you, you are my Lord. And He will say, I never knew you. There are people who think that they are Christians that aren't.

Do you remember a specific day that you COMMITTED your life to Christ? Do you remember saying, Jesus take control and meaning it. There has to be a specific time in your life that you made that decision. Jesus asks us to mark that time in our lives with baptism. Baptism doesn't save you, but it shows your obedience and commitment to Christ. And, a marker of a true relationship with Christ is that you don't make decisions on your own. You dont' do what your flesh wants to do, you follow CHRIST! Salvation is not being a good person. There are lots of good people I know, some friends, that are not saved. Being saved is not having gone to church all of your life and being a good person. And once you're a Christian, this doesn't mean that you don't make mistakes. I mess up all the time!! There are plenty of people whose lives look better than mine who are not saved. But, it's your heart - do you strive to follow God, do you have a hunger for him?, do you want to do his work, is your life based on his plans and his will?

My prayer is for those of you that are not saved. And those people I come into contact with that I don't know. Give me the eyes of Christ Lord. Let me see the people that I need to touch. But, also, I pray, as Bro. David said yesterday, that God brings everything necessary into your life to bring you to him whether it be pain and sorrow or not.

Give your life to Christ before it's too late. You will bow down to him one day or another anyway. Do it with joy and not regret. Come hang out in the land of no-mores with me and all the saints of the past and the glory of God!

I know I've gotten preachy, but I really feel passionate about this. If you need more information, ask me or check out this website! KNOWJESUS

I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Stay at Home Mom vs. The Working Mom, Part One
THE SHAPING

So, here's the first of what will become a series of posts that I've been tumbling over and over in my head, but I'm just not sure how to go about it or whether to even go there. This is such an interesting topic in our society, and I think especially in the South. It seems to be such a hotly contested topic; one that women, and even men, take strong opinions on. It's a topic that often causes women, myself included at times, to be judgmental of other women.

Especially for me at this time, going back to work has given me some fresh insight with this. There have been different points in my life when I have been on both sides of the fence as far as my beliefs. But this new experience has caused me to re-analyze some of my opinions.

I have to begin by sharing my experiences with my own mother. My experiences with my own mother "shape" my own style and beliefs of mothering second only to the Bible. She is a huge influence in how I mother my own children. I'd say that is true in most people's lives. You take some things that your parents did and determine you will NEVER do that. I'd say 80% of those we end up doing ourselves, are appalled at the moment we realize we are repeating the thing we vowed never to do, and then understanding a glimpse into what it must have been like to have been our own parents. My parents become better and better parents the older my children get! :) But, there are some things that we don't want to repeat. Myself? I want our house to really be a hangout for all my kids' friends. My mom stressed a lot about the cleaning and all that. I want our house, especially as our kids get older, to just be that cool place to hang out. Now, again, I may change once I get to that stage... we'll see.

On the same token, there are some things you take from your parents that you definitely want to repeat and instill with your own children whether it be traditions, beliefs, or just general runnings of the household. My mom's cooking, standards of cleanliness, and ability to really listen to us, and her 100% enthusiasm about whatever it was we were doing is what I would take from her. From my father, I love his logical mind that thinks through things so thoroughly, his wise money sense, his sarcastic humor which I have undertaken well, and his laugh. Of course, most people identify with their same sex parent the most. Your same sex parent "shapes" the way you parent in a huge way. We have become our mothers in a sense; we have become people that could have perhaps been friends with our own mothers had we been parenting at the same time. It's an eye-opening experience. So, I have to write the history of my own "shaping" before I can delve into my beliefs about motherhood.

Growing up, my mom always stayed home. She was always there to take me and pick me up from school, bring me something that I forgot at home (okay, often not happily), and even as I got older and was driving, she was ALWAYS there.

As I was younger, I for the most part, enjoyed my mother being at home. There were some negatives - if I breathed wrong at school, she ALWAYS found out about it. She was at school often - like all the time. Mom was always going on field trips (again, couldn't get in any trouble, but I always got cool stuff at the gift shops), doing holiday parties at school, and helping out wherever she could. One time she dressed up as Miss Piggy, like all out, to do some party for my brother or sister's school. She tutored, did yearbooks, wherever they needed her she was there; she was a huge asset to the school, and I liked her involvement most of the time.

There were some negatives. My mom was the only mother of my group of friends who tried on lipstick in fourth grade that found out. She was there all the time, my teacher told her, and he knew my mother wouldn't stand for that.

My fifth grade teacher and my mom became good friends, and I had to go over to her house for dinner one time. She came to our house several times too. That was totally weird at the time; she was a great teacher, and I really liked her - just weird to mix my two worlds.

And, in sixth grade, we had a sub for field day, and I being the class dare-devil, decided to tie our teacher's shoelaces together. I crawled on my tummy, army-style, snuck to our substitute, and tied her shoes together - it was a success! I ruled too; everyone loved it! Feeling her feet tied together when she went to move them to stand up kept her from falling or anything really cool, so that was a letdown. Still a great prank. Somehow she figured out it was me. Maybe the class ratted me out - I don't remember. So, of course, we went out to field day, and of COURSE my mother was there - she was always there! I figured I'd be okay if the sub didn't put two and two together - there were tons of kids and parents and teachers there. We're walking up as a class and my sub says, "Cathy!!!" (my mom's name) and my mom says her name in an equally ecstatic tone, and they hug. I knew I was done for. They knew each other from way back when somewhere. My mom asked her what she was doing there; the sub said she was subbing for Mrs. Garrett's class! ... Oh wow! My daughter is in Mrs. Garrett's class! Do you know Sarah?... The sub laughs, oh, yes, I do! And she tells my mom my shoe incident while I snuck away. Thankfully, the sub somehow had a great sense of humor about it, the day was a long one with field day, my mom was in a good mood, and I didn't get in much trouble. That lack of grounding for 8 years there still baffles me!

As I got older, especially in high school, I still liked for the most part that mom was there. There were times I wanted to just come home, talk on the phone all afternoon, and have whoever I wanted to come over until my parents got home. That's what most of my friends got to do. I envied their freedom. In hindsight, that's the reason why moms SHOULD be home when their children are in high school. Who knows how much trouble I could have gotten in during those hours. So, there were times I just wished she wasn't there to make me start homework or clean my room. But, there were also LOTS of afternoons that I would come home and just talk to my mom about whatever was interesting throughout the day. Junior and high school is a BRUTAL time in anyone's life. Kids are so mean to each other, hormones are raging, teachers are harder - it's just a tough time.

Even when I went to college, I thought I would explode if I had to spend one more day at home during the summer after my senior year. I could not wait to get away from my mom - as far as possible - she drove me crazy! But, the night my parents left to go back home after dropping me off, I sat on my dorm room bed, 5 hours from home, at a campus where I didn't know ONE SINGLE PERSON (my choice), and I cried. My mom had left cards from my brother, sister, and each of my parents. My mom's touched me the most. I had been out to go to a test or some freshmen orientation. I came back, and my parents were gone because my orientation had gone a lot longer and they had five hours to drive and Sunday School classes to teach in the morning. They had bought me a refrigerator, TONS of groceries, and all kinds of just little things that I would need. I had been awful to both of them part of that day, just griping about anything that didn't go exactly my way. I sat there looking at all of the thoughtful things they had bought me and ways she had fixed up my room - things to make my life as comfortable as possible in a dorm room and to feel like home, and I was overwhelmed by their love. And, at that moment, I just wanted to go back and live at home.

I got over it pretty fast, and loved college life - a little too much I suppose. I didn't come home for many breaks choosing to spend them with friends. I pushed my parents away in that sense, but boy, if things went wrong, they were the first ones I ran to. My mom would often say that I would call her, give her the big dramatics that occurred that day that were of course the end of my world resulting in a truly broken heart. I would call and cry and cry and she would make me feel better. I'd get off, having talked through everything, feel better, and go along my way. Mom was left on the other end, totally burdened for me, worried about her baby 5 hours away, and would worry and worry for days about whatever tragedy I'd called about. She'd call to check on me a couple of days later, and she would inevitably ask how the situation with such and such was going. I often remember saying, "What? What are you talking about? .... Oh! That was days ago, yeah, I remember now I told you about that. No, that was great.... I don't remember how it worked out, but it's fine... But, let me tell you the horrible thing that happened today..." And, she would listen patiently again.

I notice it more now that mom has died than I did before, but a mother is the only person in your life that really cares about every single little detail. She is the only one that is willing to stop and drop everything to listen to the most mundane details in your life, analyze them to great lengths, and talk about all possible courses of action in response as well as the pros and cons of each.

We like to think that we would do that for a friend or even another close family member, but when it comes down to it, our lives are just to busy to listen to all of that. And the emotional investment to get that involved in someone else's life is just often too much. That's the unique thing about the role of mother. A mother's only focus is giving to her child - she listens, worries, does for, takes care of - always giving, giving, giving - without the expectation of reciprocity. Ever. Friendships are based on give and take, as they should be. A friend who takes up too much of the emotional energy or is too needy is not being balanced. It throws the whole friendship out of whack. That's the way friendships were designed. But, your mother, that's the one relationship where we are able to be more selfish; we go to our mothers and just absorb their love, care, concern, and pity. Yes, pity; sometimes it's nice to have your mom just feel sorry for you and acknowledge that something in your life stinks. And then, moms somehow make it better, even if it's with just listening and holding you, fixing your favorite dinner, or taking you shopping.

I suppose that this gets a little more balanced as we get older. I wouldn't have experience in this area. But, I know friends whose moms are now their best friends. I think as we get older, our moms are able to talk to us about some trials or things that bother them like something at work, or getting fatter and out of shape, or what to wear somewhere. We can become more of equals. But, I still think as far as deeply emotional problems, most mothers don't ever, or in my mind shouldn't, depend on their daughters for those deeply emotional things. The precedent is set that the daughter can share with her mother her deepest heartaches, and perhaps the mother shares those with her friends, her husband, or her own mother if she's still alive. I could be off base there.

So, there's the history of my "shaping". I, growing up, had a great, solid mom at home. That's not to say she didn't have her share of mistakes. There were a LOT of things that were wrong too. But, my overall impression of her is that loving, caring persona. Maybe it's what I choose to remember now that she is gone; either way, that's what I remember. And it shapes who I am as a mother and who I want to be.

Stay tuned for part two soon where I will really get into the two sides of this issue. Just a postnote, it will be great in the meantime to hear similar stories from anyone else who wants to share. I think people's childhoods and what shaped them are insanely interesting! So, comment, comment, comment!

So, Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter... tragic that he died and left his wife with two small children to care for on her own. I'm sure they are financially stable. I heard on the radio this morning that the little girl that is 8 is about to start her own "animal" show on the Discovery Channel following in the footsteps of her father. This is due to her own passion for animals. Steve Irwin was a great defender of the animals and a big environmentalist. He has been touted as a great educator as well. I'm sure all these are true, although I will not say that just because he died that I loved his shows. I at the time thought he was stupid for taking the risks he did, especially holding his baby while wrestling crocodiles, and the show in general kind of grated on my nerves. But, that's okay, he did a lot of good for animals apparently.

What gets me is the reaction to his death. Yes, it is sad, but the Australians are treating him as a national icon of sorts. Like all the flags in a particular area are flying half mast in his honor, etc. They gave out 5,000 tickets or so within 15 minutes to his memorial. Okay, so the guy was popular. A little skewed there, but I guess he brought Australia a lot of attention.

BUT, the most appalling thing to me is that people are so SHOCKED that he died. People feel so sorry for him and his family. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish that on anyone and sympathize for their loss. But, here's where we have to look at reality. The guy went out and jumped on crocodiles and all kinds of animals. The piece he was filming at this time was "Ocean's Deadliest". In fact, the article in USA Today stated one of his crewman saying "we always said that if he goes, it would be in the ocean..."He went on to say that he was really light on his feet on land, but just not as quick or competent in the ocean. Yet, where was he? Swimming with STINGRAYS! The pity-iers have said that people swim with and/or pet sting rays all the time, but the sting rays' stingers are cut off. Big difference there.

Again, I'm not saying that I don't recognize it as a sad situation, but duh, aren't you kind of asking for something like that to happen? When you play with fire you're going to get burned! Was anyone shocked to hear that he had died? And, if so, WHY? I heard it and was sad for the family but not surprised in the least bit. I'm surprised he made it this long.

Anyway, prayers for his family. I don't know whether or not he was a Christian. Stacey on WAY-FM was going on and on about being sad about his death this morning, but nothing was mentioned as to whether or not he was a Christian. This I am curious and care about. Of course, it's too late for him now, but we could pray in a particular direction for his family.

Enough rambling... CRIKEY! :)

Katie Smith is serving in Samoa alongside another former Long Hollow student Brian Smart. Brian has been there for a month or two (?), and Katie just left this week. They are there teaching school to Samoan children. You can check out both of their blogs for updates. Katie's and Brian's - it is so exciting to see how both of them have grown in the Lord. God is so good to give us a purpose and a job - what a bewildering concept that God allows us to be involved in kingdom work. I'm proud of them both and excited to see how God will use them directly in Samoa and indirectly in their influence here in America. I'm sure they would both appreciate your prayers.

Tom and Spinach...

So, Tom Cruise went and apologized a heart-felt apology to Brooke Shields. Apparently TO her house. Hmmm...

And, spinach - whoever heard of dying of spinach?? Craziness!

So, here's a question - I keep hearing things about the public opinion polls on George W's approval rating. My question is, who do they ask about that? You would think if they do TRUE public opinion polls that someone I know at some point in the last 20 years would have gotten a call to ask their opinion. Right? I've never gotten a call - never talked to anyone that's gotten a call. I listen to the telemarketers long enough to know what they are selling. So, have YOU ever gotten a public opinion poll call??

Good news is that the Prez's approval rating has increased from 30% to 40% - at least from those random people that are getting polled that I've never heard of...

School update - well, it's gone well. I have good kids in a good school with a good team. I even found out last week that I get to teach the highest level kids in Language Arts. I had them for the first time today and just thought I would almost laugh at how easy God is trying to make this on me. I have the top 25 kids or so in my class! It's almost hilarious when I see how God is working. They are going to be a good group to work with, and I will be able to use a lot of Language Arts materials from my experience with teaching older students. I am really growing to love my regular class as well. I love getting to know the students, finding out what makes them tick and what motivates them, and figuring out the best way to teach something. I do love love love to teach! It is a passion of mine.

The difference in teaching now and the first time is that teaching is not my primary passion. Jason and the kids are definitely my primary passion after my relationship with God. I think about them throughout the day. I get up extra early to get to school extra early to get my work done while they are asleep so that I can leave the minute I am allowed to get home to them. It's just different.

Last week was really hard, and there were lots of tears shed - mostly by me!! But, Friday and Monday I went without crying, and actually experienced some moments of realizing I was dressed up and at a workplace which was fun - that's something I think most stay at home moms miss a little bit. A nice change of pace. And, I do have moments where I catch myself having fun with the kids and having fun teaching! I think it will only improve, and I praise God for His TENDER LOVING mercies through this time.

Still keep the house situation in your prayers. The TX house is a huge dilemma right now, and we are really still praying about the best decision and route to go. The IL house has a contract on it which will be a great relief to my dad and Peggi. They have lost a lot of money on it which is really a hard thing, but I think they are glad to just be done with it. Just pray the sale goes through.

Thanks again for all your prayers!

THE BIG 3-0!!!

Yep, I'm 30. I have had a REALLY hard time with this. I know that is stupid and just seems vain in a way, but it has been a somewhat depressing birthday. Having to go to work on my birthday for the first time in a few years didn't help either and missing my babies, but I'm really having trouble with just the 30 part!

BUT, I also realized today that up until now, I have been in the age range category of the 20-29 year olds. My health, looks, weight, abilities, etc. have been within the framework of twenty-somethings. And, getting towards the TOP of that range was a little depressing. I would meet people 22 and think, oh, they are close to my age, but there was a world of difference. I now realize that being in the 30's, and being at the BOTTOM of that range is not so bad! I am the YOUNG one in the 30's and don't have to compare with 20 year old anymore. Not that I compare, but I just feel I can relax a little on weight and exercise issues. So, yea! Benefits of thirties! Eat that all you twenty-something friends.... :)

I must say that I am literally typing this with a piece of cake in my lap!! :)

Must give a big recognition to the hubby for throwing a FABULOUS surprise birthday party with my family. He literally did the most PERFECT birthday he could have. Like I couldn't have made it any better myself! Thanks babe! And thanks to all the fam who came and shared the evening! LOVE YOU!

Is this not the best picture ever??? I came home one night and there they were, both of them sacked out. I just sat and watched for a while, then took pictures, then videotaped - neither of them even moved. It was so adorable. There is nothing like seeing two loves of your life together - playing, whatever, but sleeping is even more precious!!! :) How blessed I am!
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A recent picture of a park trip. Zeke loved it, but got SO TIRED very quickly - too much exertion for a baby!

And Katie Beth goes to the park all prepared and decked out - purse, hat, watch and all - very cute and coordinated!! :)

And our son... all out boy, dirty, filthy, and digging for more! He loved the dirt!!! :)