The Stay at Home Mom vs. The Working Mom, Part Five
What's Your Point?

So, what is my point? Just to tell you pros and cons of different times of mothering in my life? NOPE!

First of all, I think working moms often misunderstand the role and challenges of staying at home and vice-versa. Both groups of women in general have times that they believe the other is making the wrong choice. I heard a whole radio station show one time where the working moms were debating the stay at home moms about whose job was harder and who had the bigger challenge and who was right! Why would we get into attacking each other like that?

I've been guilty of this judgement. My opinion during the time I was finally able to stay home was that all women should be at home. Any woman who said they "couldn't" stay home was just a cop-out. Anyone could stay home if they really wanted to. And, it never looks good on paper budget-wise, you just have to step out in faith and do it. That may be true in many cases, but I am a living testament that this isn't always true. There are some times that a woman just has to work.

I, having stayed home, know that it's not the piece of cake that many working women feel it is. I've heard working women say that staying home is just easier and a lot less pressure. I think this can depend on your marriage. If a working woman's husband is one who believes the woman does everything no matter what, then yes, that could be difficult. In my case, I have a fabulous husband, and he has taken over a lot of the responsibilities! He does more than I do around here right now! It's tough being home with the kids all day! It's really a full time job. And there is NEVER as much time as you think.

My personal belief is that my heart is designed to be at home - I think it's the heart of the woman to make the home the priority. Not that some women aren't called to work, but I think most women are designed to raise their children and keep their home a safe haven for their husbands. Some women can do that very effectively while working part time or from home, and some can do it while working full time. But, obviously the more time and energy you have available, the more your family is able to get. I have seen women who just needed to get out and work as well - at least a few hours a week. My point is that I believe it is the woman's responsibility to be the primary "home-maker" - it takes some women more hours to do that I guess.

The only thing I have come to believe is wrong is being somewhere long term where your heart doesn't belong. Working for years and years when your heart desires to be at home is wrong for your family - if we are not able to be who God has designed us to be, we become ineffective, unhappy, and simply unpleasant people to be around. That's the key to life - to be where God has called you! On the same token, if your heart is at work, and that's what drives you, then go to work! If that's the way God has shaped you, then working is what you should be doing.

I also feel that there are times when God may call us out of either role to slip into the other for a temporary time. I think the key to this, especially for me, is accepting that role with contentment. Being content. I think it's something that a lot of women struggle with. A bigger house, more or less kids, clothing or accessories, etc. God just wants us to be content and thankful for the MANY blessings we have. So, being content in a hard situation is a great testament to our faith and love for Christ.

Finally, I think it is VERY wrong for anyone to criticize anyone else for the way they are living their lives. SAHMs shouldn't criticize WM and vice versa. We should examine our hearts for judgement of anyone and ask God to help us with that area. Most importantly, we never know the situations that require or cause a woman to work or stay home, and we don't know the plan that God has for her life. I think that women tend to attack each other about this issue because they want to be affirmed that their decision is right. It's like the whole breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding issue that so many women debate about. Who's right? Such guilt and pressure can be associated with these issues, but it's still the same issue at heart.

Women want to feel they are doing the best for their kids and their families. Women want to be lifted up and encouraged. Instead of judging someone else for their position, let's lift each other up - as women and as sisters in Christ!

The Stay at Home Mom vs. The Working Mom, Part Four
WORKING - The second time!

So, here I am again, working! I find the same challenges - balancing family, figuring out how to get it all in, missing my kids like crazy. My day starts around 5:30 am, I try to leave by 6 or 6:15 every morning. I get to work, rush off as soon as school is out to relieve Lori, get home around 4:00, figure out something for dinner, and try to enjoy the four or five hours with the kids. I get the kids down and then spend a couple of hours grading papers or working on something for school. Asleep at midnight or so, then up again! I'm tired mostly! And, I feel pulled ministry wise. I want to be doing so much more with my Connect Group girls, but I don't have the time to spend. AND I miss my friends!!! Being away from my kids during the day does not lend me to wanting to leave them with a sitter at night or even with just Jason. I need that time with me and feel they need it with me. It doesn't leave as much time to just enjoy my girlfriends - I MISS YOU ALL!!! :)

Lest I sound negative, working has its benefits. It's great to feel productive and that I'm making a difference somewhere other than my laundry. I love facing challenges throughout the day, and I truly love love love to teach! I love getting to help a child or a parent figure out a problem or work on a issue they are having. I enjoy the pace of the day and having a lot to think about and figure out. And, being in a great school certainly helps. My confidence as a teacher has really grown from the last environment I was in. And, the money definitely helps ease some tension around here.

But, my heart is at home!

The Stay at Home Mom vs. The Working Mom, Part Three
HOME AT LAST!

When we moved to IL, I was finally able to stay home! It was a huge time of learning for me. I became involved in MOPS as soon as I moved there. I could not get enough of that daily mom interaction. I had friends who really helped me learn and cope with staying home. It was definitely a lifestyle to get used to. Staying home was drastically different. I remembered hearing other moms talk about the "trapped" feeling home with a cranky baby all day. Now, Katie Beth was hardly cranky. But, with her being two, I definitely still had a demanding boss. God really grew my patience during this time! :) I remember during one particularly challenging day, I for a split second thought that I would have rather been at work teaching. But, then I heard God say, "Really?" I thought for a minute about all of the days of teaching, how I missed Katie Beth, and I reflected on what a blessing it had been to be at home. I came to the realization that my worst day at home was still better than my best day at work. I was so glad to be home.

Before too long, I was pregnant with Everett. I was so grateful to not be working! I was so sick! Being home was much more convenient except trying to keep Katie Beth entertained in bed beside me. Home with two was a much bigger challenge, but one we all adjusted to.

Moving to TN was great as we were closer to family. I didn't get involved with MOPS as I just felt so overwhelmed. But the kids were both in MDO one day a week (Katie Beth two), and I had time for myself and time to share with them. It felt much more balanced.

The things I really appreciated about being able to be home was that I was able to really serve my family. I really tried, although it didn't always happen, to have the house cleaned, laundry done, and a semi-decent meal cooked by the time Jason got home. It was so nice to spend our time in the afternoons and evenings just playing with the kids instead of having to deal with bills or cleaning or STUFF. I also was able to get all the grocery shopping, errand running, etc done during the week which left our weekends free. This was great for our family. It made our time together quality time and strengthened us all. I loved getting to exercise and see friends regularly as well. I also feel I really grew spiritually - as a mother and a woman!

I think the most challenging part about being home for me was at times feeling like nothing I did was going to last. I would work all day long to get laundry, meals, cleaning, etc done and at the end of the day, there was always more to do. Preparing, serving, and cleaning up after three meals a day kept me feeling like I was in the kitchen. Especially with a toddler who lets you know he's finished by throwing food - you have to be fast with him! And, there were days when I missed using my brain - or those analytical parts that don't get used as much. I would do math puzzles or suduko or IQ tests just to try to keep it exercised! I remember missing wearing cute clothes and going to work. Finances were stricter too. BUT, all of these things were minor struggles. There were times I got frustrated, but for the majority of the time, I loved being home. I really saw that time as a blessing. A huge one!

I HAVE A NEPHEW!!!!!!!!!!!

introducing.... Micah Dallas JONES!!!

Proud Aunt Sarah!!!

top - the ceremony at the courthouse - look how my brother is beaming

second - Andy and Stephanie with Micah and Judge Muriel Robinson - who happens to be mine and Andy's cousin somehow

third - Micah chilling out at his party

below - Isn't Micah adorable???? I JUST LOVE HIM! Oh yeah, it was Andy's birthday yesterday. And they got to adopt Micah today! Needless to say, I forgot about Andy's birthday because I was so excited about Micah! Sorry bro!















Well, as you may have figured out, I now OFFICIALLY have an adorable nephew! Yep, a new family member has arrived weighing about 15-20 pounds and a really big baby! He can even crawl, sit up, and already eats solids!!! :)

Andy and Stephanie (my brother and his wife) had signed up to do foster parenting about this time last year. It took them a while to complete the training but by the beginning of December, they were ready. It is such a cool story because they weren't actually even in the computer system. They should have been, but there was some hang up and they weren't in. They were a little surprised they hadn't gotten any calls. Well, their caseworker called one day and asked if they wanted a brand new baby. The caseworker said he thought of Andy and Stephanie first thing. They had a lot of experience with kids - Stephanie has especially worked with small children for years. But, a brand new baby? One whose mom had been on drugs and was premature and tiny? But, they went for it! We were all so thrilled, but we were also very hesitant to get excited about the possibility of adoption. So many people wanted babies, and Andy and Stephanie weren't even looking for a permanent situation necessarily.

But, time went on, Andy and Stephanie have gone through process after process. Micah didn't suffer ANY side effects from the drugs in his mother's system, and he is now up to an acceptable weight for his age! His birth mother gave up custody, then dad never came forward, they fought red tape and legal issues. And, finally, 10 months later, Micah is OURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am tearing up just thinking about how excited I am this day has come. It's interesting to realize just how hesitant I've been to resist against getting my heart broken. I've just been careful about getting attached too much - although that's been impossible. But, now that he's ours, he's really ours, I am just flooded with such love for him and excitement. I loved him before, but knowing he is ours forever with no chance of losing him just thrills my heart to no end.

As I was experiencing these feelings this morning, I thought of our relationship with God. God, in the same way I thought, must be so thrilled when we come to accept him. When we accept Christ, the Bible says we are ADOPTED into his family as SONS. We have all the rights and privileges of sonship with our heavenly Father. Just as Andy and Stephanie will never give Micah up no matter what, even moreso with God. Just as Andy and Stephanie have loved him before this official day of adoption, they love him even more with such joy! Just as God - except that God loved us FULLY while we were still sinners! He didn't guard his heart against loving us too much, He didn't worry about loving us and his heart breaking. He just loved and sent his Son to die for us. He does hurt when some reject him. And, he does rejoice even moreso than we ever could when we are finally ADOPTED into the family. He is thrilled when we are finally HIS! Once we are his, we are in his hand, our names are written in the Book of Life, and NOTHING can take us away. If we rejoice in the earthly adoption of a sweet baby, just imagine God's joy at knowing he has us for eternity! No wonder the angels rejoice when someone is saved - I can just hear them praising and singing, "He's (or she) is ours! They are ours! They are on our side! They will be with us forever!!!" This is what I was thinking this morning and all day about Micah. I'm just so thrilled, but it is amazing to think of how much greater God's love is over our own decisions to come to him! WHOO HOO!!!

Pray for Andy, Stephanie, and Micah. They are actually right now in the process of applying/ looking into the possibility of moving to Atlanta to be houseparents in a group home for children who have been taken out of their own homes. It will be a huge move for them to be away from all of their family as well as a major life change. They are an amazing couple who I know God has blessed in a phenomenal way. They would do a great job wherever He uses them, and they have such big hearts that just want to love and care for those that need it. They both have such servant's hearts and truly get what it means to love someone else more than themselves.

I'm so proud of my baby brother and Stephanie! I so admire them both and am just thrilled for them! Now, how do we let them know that they have to leave Micah here if they leave???

The Stay at Home Mom vs. The Working Mom, Part Two
WORKING - The first time!

Well, when I found out I was pregnant, I had no initial desire to stay at home. Despite how I appreciated my own mother being at home, I also at times thought she was at home too much and could have used some socialization. Besides, what would I do all day? I was sure I would be bored stiff with just a baby to care for. My plan was to continue teaching and just have all of the time during breaks to spend with our new baby.

Our first morning home with Katie Beth, I laid down with her on the couch for a nap and it was the most surreal time with her. It had been snowing (okay, huge ice storm, but biggest one in 25 years in TX) and outside was just peaceful and white. It felt so great to be home after the hospital and some relaxing praise music was playing on the stereo. I dozed off smelling my new sweet baby girl, and I suddenly woke up panicked. I started crying to Jason, "I can't go back to work, I can't go back!" I couldn't imagine parting with this little thing. Jason essentially said, "Uh, sorry, too bad." There was no way financially at the time, and I was in the middle of the school year. I finished out the year and actually worked one more year.

It was challenging to work. I missed Katie Beth and stressed about every tiny thing the daycare workers did wrong. She went to daycare at our church so Jason was right there and fed her lunch every day. But still... it wasn't me. I missed her like crazy, but I really survived okay. I could do this! I didn't really dread work, just missed Katie Beth.

When we moved to IL, we made the commitment to stay home. More about that in a sec...

I think my biggest challenges during this stage were missing Katie Beth, and not having the connection with other moms. There were a few moms at the school I was teaching at, but I didn't have a lot of connections. I had other moms that were friends, but I just didn't see them much because I was working. ALL of our friends at church either had much older children, were early married, or many were even single. No mom friends. And our church's mom programs were during the day. It was hard to learn and grow and connect. Those were my biggest struggles. And pumping throughout the day too - sorry guys! :) Majorly hard though!

Our other hard thing as a family came because of Jason's schedule. Being a minister, he had one day off - Friday. I was working of course. Jason worked Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. It was hard to spend time together as a family. And, his hours at Fellowship were very demanding. Lots and lots and lots of late nights!