The Stay at Home Mom vs. The Working Mom, Part Five
What's Your Point?

So, what is my point? Just to tell you pros and cons of different times of mothering in my life? NOPE!

First of all, I think working moms often misunderstand the role and challenges of staying at home and vice-versa. Both groups of women in general have times that they believe the other is making the wrong choice. I heard a whole radio station show one time where the working moms were debating the stay at home moms about whose job was harder and who had the bigger challenge and who was right! Why would we get into attacking each other like that?

I've been guilty of this judgement. My opinion during the time I was finally able to stay home was that all women should be at home. Any woman who said they "couldn't" stay home was just a cop-out. Anyone could stay home if they really wanted to. And, it never looks good on paper budget-wise, you just have to step out in faith and do it. That may be true in many cases, but I am a living testament that this isn't always true. There are some times that a woman just has to work.

I, having stayed home, know that it's not the piece of cake that many working women feel it is. I've heard working women say that staying home is just easier and a lot less pressure. I think this can depend on your marriage. If a working woman's husband is one who believes the woman does everything no matter what, then yes, that could be difficult. In my case, I have a fabulous husband, and he has taken over a lot of the responsibilities! He does more than I do around here right now! It's tough being home with the kids all day! It's really a full time job. And there is NEVER as much time as you think.

My personal belief is that my heart is designed to be at home - I think it's the heart of the woman to make the home the priority. Not that some women aren't called to work, but I think most women are designed to raise their children and keep their home a safe haven for their husbands. Some women can do that very effectively while working part time or from home, and some can do it while working full time. But, obviously the more time and energy you have available, the more your family is able to get. I have seen women who just needed to get out and work as well - at least a few hours a week. My point is that I believe it is the woman's responsibility to be the primary "home-maker" - it takes some women more hours to do that I guess.

The only thing I have come to believe is wrong is being somewhere long term where your heart doesn't belong. Working for years and years when your heart desires to be at home is wrong for your family - if we are not able to be who God has designed us to be, we become ineffective, unhappy, and simply unpleasant people to be around. That's the key to life - to be where God has called you! On the same token, if your heart is at work, and that's what drives you, then go to work! If that's the way God has shaped you, then working is what you should be doing.

I also feel that there are times when God may call us out of either role to slip into the other for a temporary time. I think the key to this, especially for me, is accepting that role with contentment. Being content. I think it's something that a lot of women struggle with. A bigger house, more or less kids, clothing or accessories, etc. God just wants us to be content and thankful for the MANY blessings we have. So, being content in a hard situation is a great testament to our faith and love for Christ.

Finally, I think it is VERY wrong for anyone to criticize anyone else for the way they are living their lives. SAHMs shouldn't criticize WM and vice versa. We should examine our hearts for judgement of anyone and ask God to help us with that area. Most importantly, we never know the situations that require or cause a woman to work or stay home, and we don't know the plan that God has for her life. I think that women tend to attack each other about this issue because they want to be affirmed that their decision is right. It's like the whole breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding issue that so many women debate about. Who's right? Such guilt and pressure can be associated with these issues, but it's still the same issue at heart.

Women want to feel they are doing the best for their kids and their families. Women want to be lifted up and encouraged. Instead of judging someone else for their position, let's lift each other up - as women and as sisters in Christ!